Kneeling in prayer on the front of battle
Striving over rights taken and wrongs given,
His true love's laughing face hovers;
His countenance grows grave and sweats fear.
Wisdom of generals submits to plots of politicians.
Bile grows on empty stomach and overflows
Over corpses fragrant with trauma's stench.
In remorse he rose to stop his prayers and screaming ears.
Not in a hurry or prolonging
Death to greet and mete out,
Through the pine trees he remembers
The birds flown away two days ago.
To other heights of trees and truth
Birds whisper songs of pain
Leaving behind hope's last stand.
Bullets from third story rain, he falls.
(Highlight space below for her hidden quatrain.)
Kneeling over love's grave
Wisdom grows fragrant rose
Not to pine away
To whisper hope's story.
Thanks to Sabio Lantz at Fields of Yuan for sharing his
Kabbalic Homonym: A new poetry form.
This is very beautifully told, very gripping. The hidden stanza is an amazing technique.
ReplyDeleteIt was too cold to go outside and play, so I played with this.
DeleteI am familiar with Sabio's Kabbalic Homonym; and you did his form justice! Pretty cool.
ReplyDeleteI thought what Sabio came up with was cool - then he wrote in his comments "I am making fun at how silly it is, how much work it is, how unnecessary" so I feel a little silly myself taking it so seriously - but I had fun doing this. Wouldn't want to think that hard all the time, though!
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ReplyDeleteNicely done. And thanx for the mention.
Great homonyms!
Grave rose pine story
I like the hidden quatrain == sweet remembrance
Did you loose a lover in a war?
I have a patient I am seeing who has a nasogastric tube sucking out "bile grows on empty stomach and overflows."
Sounds like you've been there too.
Thanks for reading! To answer your question, I have lost loved ones in accidents and I work as a nurse with Veterans and war stories, so emotions got combined here to make the poem. As a nurse I've put down a couple NG tubes and charted output - but I really came to know bile when I had hyperemesis gravidarum!
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